This post was originally written on 12/22/17 for subscribers of the daily taryn, a daily email newsletter/writing project . Now's the perfect time to join, so I'll hold while you do so by clicking this. Love u.
Oh gosh. You asked, and my mom delivered. I gave her a bunch of questions this morning, and her responses… are the most sweet. I am speechless. Deena, take it away!
to give you a visual, here's our adorable star answer her question this morning 😭
1. How did we meet?
I would like to say we met “accidentally” and it was “love at first sight” but the truth is we met on purpose and it was “love at first sight!”
Taryn here. You could say it was a meet cute.
2. Who are you?
Born and bred in San Diego, CA, home of the nicest weather in the nation! Taryn asks “who am I”? Tough question: I am a wife and a mom first and foremost, I am part of a family that I love. I am confident, comfortable in my own skin, love my life, and treasure so many memories and excited for what lies ahead. I love to travel and am so fortunate to have been raised with parents who were avid travelers — I have embraced their passion. I enjoy reading, writing (also addicted to journals), love to play games (almost ALL of the fam plays games together and finally found one game Steve likes and will join), absolutely love movies, and love dogs (always have and always will). I have worked since I was young and been classified as a workaholic (strange thought as I am now taking a break and spending quality wife time, and of course fam time too). I could go on and on but that would be “too boring” I am sure. In truth, I am grateful for my life and very comfortable with who I am.
The only person that loves dogs more than I do is my mom, and there is no chance that her going on would be “too boring.”
3. What's the hardest thing about being a mom?
Being a mom is so amazingly rewarding that it is hard to pinpoint the hardest thing about it. I dreamed of being a mom since I was a little girl myself. I couldn’t think of anything else being more rewarding. Hardest part: I have and still do want to see my children happy. Happy in life, happy in love, feeling good about themselves, having life be easier. It always pains me when they are going through hard times, although I know they are learning and growing and that is a huge important part of life, it still pains me. I would love to take the pain away. The door has always been open for them to come to me and “talk” and with that I am being honest, sometimes if they are feeling pained it makes me so very sad, but even with that I wouldn’t change their opening up with me anytime, always.
“Happy in love” is so cute, it burns.
4. Do you remember when I came out to you?
Yes is the answer. Absolutely. And I cherish the moment. I cannot tell you how honored I was that you felt comfortable enough to share with me, to trust me, to open up with me. I come from a belief that we are all human and should be celebrated for who we are, and it is and never will be my right to judge another for what they believe or choose. I have to be honest though, I am not fond of those who judge others (my one caveat to being non-judgmental). In remembering the moment, I thought you were so brave and I felt an abundance of so much love for you. I know it was so hard for you and I felt you knew the path could be difficult, especially given the religious twist, but I was so proud of you for being true to yourself. Since being a little girl, you have shown a confidence and conviction that comes from within, you know who you are and you have embraced it. You embraced early on individualism which I so admired! I remember feeling so much love my heart was bursting and I knew I would always be there to give you love and encouragement if times got hard. I also felt so fortunate I was your mother because I hoped it would make life easier for you.
It’s hard to tie up my thoughts at the end of these now. They’re just… so… sweet. She said she “cherishes” the moment I came out to her. That is unreal. Truly.
5. What's it like, having a "not straight" daughter?
Wow, big question. It’s one that’s a little hard to answer. It really doesn’t feel too different to me. So, you have a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend. Who really cares. I can say that in having a “non-straight” daughter, I think I feel a little overprotective at times when it comes to others’ being judgmental. That is something I personally continue to work through. I just hope that the world continues to become more open to others and doesn’t ever go backwards. As far as you go, I look forward to your wedding (that should be a little different and a new experience – who walks who down first, father of the “brides” dance, etc.) and you’re having a family and being a part of all that life brings you.
I think about the wedding complications all the time. All the time. We’ll see how it goes. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
6. Readers want your momma advice. What advice to you have for new/soon-to-be parents?
Taryn, for 8:12am in the morning you sure threw me some deep questions. This is what I can say in my current morning state. My advice is simple: love your children unconditionally. Be open with them. Allow and encourage them to be themselves. Foster them to be good human beings. Some things you hear won’t be what you want to hear, but if you open yourself to them to tell you “anything” you need to be able to “listen” and not judge. Let them know you are safe, and to be “safe” you need to stay open. One thing I learned from my dad (learned a ton from him – absolutely love him!), when you are needing to discipline your child for something, don’t threaten something you are not prepared to go through with as it is critical that you follow through. So make sure what you are threatening is something you are prepared to make happen (don’t say no TV for a month and let them watch some special show in a week because it is a one-time event). I have always thought that was good advice. One last thing, I think it is really important to love your spouse (I sure do!) and stay in love with them (date night, trips, good communication, etc.) so that your children are part of a good relationship and will hopefully strive for that in their own relationships.
Wow, after all these years, I’d never heard my mom explain the rule her dad taught her — I’d only seen her and my dad act it out. Really cool. It’s cool to read your parents’ writing. I like this, a lot.
7. Any advice for parents/siblings/friends of someone coming out?
A. For parents, for some of you I can imagine that this can be hard. Especially if you have been taught or believe that “this is wrong”. I recommend one thing, try to remember that this is your child who you love and cherish. Remember they are a person with feelings. Try to remember that the world can be cruel and as a parent, you want to be there for your child through good and tough times. Try to set aside your fears and stay open. Encourage open and safe communication. Remember your child may go through hard times of feeling alienated, and hopefully they see you as someone they can come to and who becomes an advocate for them.
B. For siblings, this is where I give a shout out to Taryn’s siblings. They are the best. Open and loving and never treated her any different in anyway. I hope everyone has the same experience here. I can only say life is too short if you are having an issue with your sister/brother.
C. For Friends, I hope this is a non-starter. I looked up different meanings of “friend” and really liked a couple: “People who are aware of how dumb you are and still manage to be seen in public with you”. “A friend is someone you love and who loves you, someone you respect and who respects you, someone whom you trust and who trusts you”. I believe if someone is a true friend, they will love you unconditionally. Sometimes the path you chose may not be the popular one or the one someone else wants you to choose, but those of your friends that truly love you will love you for just the same. I hope that you as a friend will rise to the occasion of what it means to be a friend.
SHE LOOKED UP DEFINITIONS OF FRIEND. FOR THIS POST. HOW CUTE. IS THAT. IT HURTS. IT BURNS.
8. What is my worst quality?
What is your worst quality? That is really for you to delve into. I believe nothing is “worst”, just work in progress or something you embrace and try to improve on (if you so choose). For me, I wish you didn’t get so worried and anxious about things. I wish that for you. I wish “don’t sweat the small stuff” resonated with you and that you didn’t get so worked up about things. It pains me to see you in fear. I wish I could take it away.
What is your worst quality? That is really for you to delve into. I believe nothing is “worst”, just work in progress or something you embrace and try to improve on (if you so choose). For me, I wish you didn’t get so worried and anxious about things. I wish that for you. I wish “don’t sweat the small stuff” resonated with you and that you didn’t get so worked up about things. It pains me to see you in fear. I wish I could take it away.
“This is really for you to delve into.” Gosh, this rules. It’s up to me to find those things out.
9. What's your favorite thing about me? 😏
Please don’t get me started. I am your mom and this is an impossible thing to pinpoint. If I had to say, I think I will answer it in “one sentence”. My favorite thing about you is that you are open, honest, deep, funny, hilarious, outgoing, introspective, smart, witty, “yourself”, friendly, giving, and loving. So very loving. And super talented! Cant wait until you have your own talk show some day (no question, I am your biggest fan and will always be there to support!).
To all who believe you are my biggest fan, you’ve certainly met your match.
10. Anything else you want to add?
I want to share with everyone reading Taryn’s newsletter how very proud I am of her. She is an amazing person, and even if I wasn’t her mom, I would think the same. Each time I read her daily newsletter, I thank my lucky stars I am to be her mom. I cannot say that enough and it brings tears to my eyes. I couldn’t ask for a more wonderful human being to be my daughter and cherish each and every day as her mom.
Gosh. I have no words.
😭